There are crumbs in my bed

30 Aug

When you live with your significant other in a tiny Manhattan apartment there are times when you will relish having that small, overpriced, shared space all to yourself.  There is something indulgent about it.  You don’t have to share the TV remote, your take-out food or the bottle of wine you are inevitably going to make your way through.  You can do anything you want.  You can take a long shower without anyone knocking on the door, eat ice cream for dinner, give yourself a facial or dance from room to room with your favorite playlist blaring.

I think Carrie Bradshaw called this her “SSB” – secret single behavior.  Each of the ladies had one: Carrie made stacks of saltines with grape jelly and ate them standing in the kitchen reading fashion magazines; Miranda put Vaseline and Bourgasie conditioning gloves on her hands while watching infomercials; Charlotte used to study her pores in a magnify mirror for an hour each night.  And when Carrie asked Samantha “What about you Lolita?” Samantha declared there was nothing she wouldn’t do in front of a man.  Of course.

As for me, I could rarely get away with my SSB when I was engaged because it totally grossed out my fiancé.  I don’t know why he was so uptight about it; it’s not like I was fishing for pickles with my toes or anything like that.  Regardless, there was a strict rule in my former household against my secret single behavior – eating dinner in bed.

There is something comforting about crawling into bed with your dinner, the TV remote and a glass of wine.  Here are some important guidelines for my SSB: (1) take-out food is your best option because it doesn’t require dishes; (2) Asian cuisine leads the pack in the take-out category because you don’t even need utensils, just a set of chopsticks; (3) under no circumstance should the bed be made –blankets and pillows precisely in place take away from the experience; (4) a glass of wine is absolutely required (duh); (4) you preferably want to be watching something on your DVR/TiVo or, if you are extremely lucky, a marathon of your favorite show will be on…this is no time for channel surfing; and finally (5) you should not have to get out of bed for anything the rest of the evening…that defeats the purpose!

Go ahead, give it a try!  It’s worth a few crumbs.


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