It tastes better than wedding cake

8 Nov

Despite the sentiment of my last few posts, I did not actually sit around crying about my almost-wedding weekend.  NOT EVEN CLOSE.  There were clearly times I was focused on the emotion of the weekend but…blah, blah, blah…we were on vacation, right?

Unfortunately if you weren’t with us in Punta Cana, this post might leave you a bit confused.  But this one is a must.  For us guys.  Proud of us!

  • We definitely identified the cast of the Canadian Shore.  Canadian fist bump anyone?  Klassy.
  • A certain someone in our group doesn’t think she can move like Michael Jackson.  No, she thinks she IS Michael Jackson.
  • You have two options for “shotz, shotz, shotz, shotz, shotz!”:  Jose Cuervo or some unidentified blue liquid.  Pick your poison.  Literally.
  • We will compete over anything…from pool volleyball to a card game of asshole to sneezing (“Yes!  That was a good one!”)  Bird call during said competition is optional but highly encouraged.
  • “Can I get a random round of applause?”  Note the confused look on the faces of those around us trying to figure out what is so exciting at our table or in our huddled group at the bar.  You know you wish you were in on this.  Even though it doesn’t actually mean a thing.  Except that we are EPIC.
  • What?!  My dessert did “taste better than wedding cake.”
  • There is a minimum requirement of two buffets per day (pronounced “Buffett” as in Jimmy).   We will look at you like you have four heads if you don’t pronounce it “buffett”, as in Jimmy.
  • Two words: Black. Boy.
  • True statement: There are more Canadians vacationing in Punta Cana than residing in all of Canada.
  • Sometimes you are just too hung over to get out of your reclined pool chair.  Even if Hurricane Tomas is letting loose on you.
  • Let’s add the word “this” to just about everything.  Pool this.  Vodka this.  Gaga this.  Buffett (as in Jimmy) this.  Long pants this.  Playlist this.  Canada this.  MJ this.  You get it.  This.
  • Safety first: a real friend will secure your animal crackers in the room’s safe.  Even if your roommate then comes home drunk, goes in the safe, eats said animal crackers and denies it in the morning (”That f’er ate my animal crackers!”)
  • What do you do at the Blackjack tables?  We “Hit that!”  Loudly.  Ballin.  (By the way, “There were slots?”)
  • We can keep ourselves busy in the rain but it’s more fun to randomly yell: “No mas, Tomas!”  Lifetime bragging rights for surviving a hurricane.
  • Coco’s anyone?  Or should I say “la biblioteca”?  Because the only thing funnier than an inside joke is the inside joke of an inside joke.
  • Important life lesson learned: Grown men should NOT pelt a 12-year-old girl with a pool volleyball.  Further, his friends should not laugh to the point of tears at this turn of events.
  • Bride watch 2010 topped out at 8 brides.  Although we had high hopes of hitting double digits, it just didn’t happen.
  • Sometimes you just have let the world know that you are, if fact, 2 legit 2 quit.
  • Why wouldn’t we consume ungodly amounts of French fries and onion rings at 3 am?  Covered with pounds of ketchup (spelled “chatsup”)?  Hey, some men like two hot dogs on their bun.  Leave him alone.  Consider yourself warned: do not show up to this table without at least three additional orders in your hands.
  • Of course there’s always that one guy wearing the “one tequila, two tequila, three tequila, FLOOR” t-shirt.  He obviously has a great ‘stache.  And he’s everywhere.  Including the “formal” restaurant.  In that t-shirt.
  • Have you met our new “friend” from Alberta?  Of course she’s from Alberta.
  • “How many points is that worth?”  GAME OVER if you hook up with the real MJ.  Challenge accepted.
  • Yes, you can identify every action in one of two ways: (1) good life decision, or (2) bad life decision.  In Punta Cana even the bad life decisions seem like good ones.  Especially after 2 am.
  • “We’re from New York, yo!”  Jay-Z says.
  • If you hear one of your closest friends say “Your man ditched you!” when boarding the plane to head home, think twice.  She meant your male roommate who took a different flight, not your fiancé.  (Good, because I was thinking that was kind of a bitchy thing to say…)

Final parting words from Punta Cana:  “Hace calor!”  You.  Know.  It.

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7 Responses to “It tastes better than wedding cake”

Trackbacks/Pingbacks

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    […] myself; meeting new people; meeting serial killers; volunteering; boozing up and visiting Babeland; vacationing with friends (during a hurricane); finding new hobbies; starting over.  (Note to my brother: we need to […]

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    […] a different location than I had planned for just five months earlier, and we were there for a very different reason, but it was time to face this weekend- and this day.  And who knows, maybe I would even learn […]

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