“Change of plans”

25 Feb

I’m heading to Boston this weekend for a regional event for work.  A colleague from another agency, who participated in this program with me last year, just emailed to say she’s looking forward to seeing me tomorrow.  Her email included an all too familiar PS: “Are you married yet??”

While answering this question is far less emotionally draining than 6 months ago, inquiries about my ill-fated wedding can still feel like a shock to the system.  It’s unbelievable how with only a few words I can go from feeling independent and somewhat proud of myself for surviving this mess to…well, a total life failure.  It’s only for a few seconds and, logically, I know I’m not actually a failure, but when your personal life blows up in your face, and when you have absolutely no say or understanding of how the explosion happened, it takes a lot not to feel completely disappointed in yourself.

I expect this will go on for quite a while.  There’s not much to do other than force a smile and simply state the least painful of explanations: “We had a change of plans; things just didn’t work out.”   But let’s be honest…it still stings each and every time.


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