A walk to (not) remember

29 Apr

I left my office earlier today pretty much sick to my stomach.  I was about to make my way 15 minutes across town to the jeweler’s office where my “take” of the resell value of my engagement ring awaited.  Feeling more nauseated than when I got the initial call earlier this week, I thought I could outsmart my body from throwing up again by not eating all morning.  But that just made me lightheaded and disoriented.  I lowered my sunglasses over my eyes, put on my iPod and willed myself not to cry, have a panic attack or otherwise freak out emotionally.  I chugged an ice coffee to get some much-needed sugar (no pun intended) into my system and then I marched myself across town.

I threw on some lip gloss and shook out my hair before stepping off the elevator on the jeweler’s floor (because there was no way she was going to think for a second that I was anything less than fabulous in this moment…)  I plastered a relatively fake smile on my face as she buzzed me in and made small talk as she counted out the Benjamins.  I felt my face flush with emotion when she apologized – again – that this is how we had to meet.  And then, unexpectedly, I felt a relatively genuine smile spread as she said “I’d say from the looks of it, you’re going to be just fine.  Better.”  I don’t know if she meant to the lip gloss or the money but I took the compliment and ran.

Between her comment and the wad of cash now housed in my bag, the walk out of that building was drastically different than the walk in had been.  Amplified by the fact that the one piece of  lingering, tangible evidence of my former life was – thankfully, and in some sickeningly surreal way, sadly – gone forever.

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