Guest post!

10 May

I am so excited about today’s post because not only does it come from one of my closest friends but it is also the first official GUEST POST on Unwedded Bliss.

This girlfriend-turned-blogger-for-the-day is part of my lifesaving crew that you have read so much about…so you know it’s bound to be entertaining!  The post is about her committed effort to bravely dip her big toe back in the dating pool and more specifically, her resulting first date.

Anyone who has survived the demise of a long-term relationship eventually finds themselves facing the daunting task of “getting back out there”.  Hopefully you’ll find some encouragement in this humorous account of my friend’s foray into doing just that.  I was lucky enough to get this story immediately following (she cabbed it from her date to my apartment where the girls and I waited with sangria!), but I know you’ll appreciate her story just as much as we did…even if just for the effort itself and the obvious cocktails that followed.  Enjoy!

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“I usually make new years resolutions, but they really tend to be overrated.  You usually end up breaking them anyway, and in the process of doing so you end up making yourself feel like a failure because you couldn’t hold up to the one thing you told yourself you would do differently this year.  Well I, like many, took the risk of feeling like a loser and made a new years resolution this year.  It wasn’t to go the gym, I’ve already been going.  It wasn’t to eat better, I try and do that anyways.  No, 2011 would be the year I would date.

I’ve been out of a serious relationship that spanned almost five years for over a year and a half now, and aside from a couple random flings that never lasted more than a few hours I haven’t made much of an effort to put myself out there.  I just never saw the need; I have a pretty great social life, great friends, plenty of activities to keep me busy, I honestly don’t have a whole lot of space to fit a relationship in.  But if I’m really being truthful with myself there’s a pretty significant part of me that’s scared to take a risk, open myself up to possible rejection or disappointment, or commit myself to someone again.  So given that I’m trying to better myself through some good old exposure therapy I figured I’d just jump in.  I’m going to date this year.

So how to do it.  The easiest road appeared to be online dating, and after hearing some success stories mixed with some really creep-tastic tales from friends I decided to create a profile on OkCupid.  Pretty quickly I started getting messages from some guys and much to my surprise the majority of them seemed pretty normal.  I also found that OkCupid has a real-time chat feature, because one Sunday evening after some light day-drinking with friends I was messaged by a guy we’ll call Jay.  Jay lives on Long Island, is an engineer, is a couple years younger than I am, and practices Kung Fu.  Jay seemed normal enough and with the remnants of my liquid courage only barely wearing off I decided to take him up on his offer and meet him for drinks.  Look at me, I said to myself!  I’m keeping my resolution.  I’ve got a date.

It didn’t take long for me to notice even before meeting Jay in person that he and I were not on the fast track to the altar.  First of all he was enamored with the phone.  Boy LOVED to hear my voice, and I don’t know about any other 21st century women but I’m over the telephone.  Text me, email me, gchat me, I am far too good a multitasking to dedicate my full concentration t a phone call. Secondly I learned that Jay was a bit fixated on one element from his OkCupid profile that I must have skimmed over.  Where it asks you to post a bit of private information he wrote that he likes to go commando every now and again.  Now I’m not one to judge, and really that’s not all that shocking had I even noticed it in the first place, but Jay made a point of bringing it to my attention on our first phone conversation.  Struck me as odd, but hey, I’m trying not to udge a book by his cover here.  It’s just a few drinks, I can give him a chance.

So the big day finally arrives and I’ve informed Jay that I have plans about three hours after our meeting time.  A convenient out should things go the way I fear they will.  He recommends a bar on 23rd and 6th Avenue, a place I’ve never heard of or been to before.  He says it’s one of his favorite haunts when he comes into the city.  Now I’m going to judge you as much by your choice of bar as well as what you bring to the table conversationally, and I walked into this nearly deserted Irish bar and immediately thought I should have trusted my first instincts.  “One of my favorite bars” translated from Long Island-ese means “walking distance from Penn Station with a Guinness sign out front.”  Ah well, no turning back.  I spot him at the bar and pull up a stool.

I’m not exactly sure where to start with this train wreck of a date. The guy was clearly nervous, which I worked on easing for him because it’s just not that deep, but I think I clocked it at about 6 minutes before his first mention of his favorite talking point: going commando.  I stopped counting how many times he discussed underwear or the lack of it after he mentioned it a tenth time. (honestly it became harder to count the more Jameson and Gingers he kindly bought me, but it was double digits.)   I’ve officially become an expert at changing the topic of underwear into anything appropriate.  I think my favorite was when I somehow transitioned from choosing to leave your briefs in the drawer to career ambitions.  Oh, and speaking of career ambitions, I was apparently in the presence of someone whose responsibilities are very need-to-know.  All I got was that he does mechanical engineering for the military, but he was deliberately evasive about pretty much every other detail.  He couldn’t even tell me where he eventually wants to move in life (after he moves out of his parents’ basement) because it would clearly reveal some wildly confidential government secrets.  I’m actually pretty sure this guy designed that fancy new chopper that was involved on the mission to kill Osama.  At least he was in his own head.  And then of course there were his hands.  They were wandering.  A lot.  I had to check him twice.  Like, I met you an hour ago dude.  Keep your hands to yourself.  At one point he asked me to go outside with him.  It was clear he wanted to make out.  So basically the message I got was that he could feel me up in the bar but he didn’t want to kiss me there.  Just plain weird.  It was at that point that I pushed up the start time of my after-date activities and bid Jay adieu.  He got a little kiss in at the end of the date, and good lord he was not good at it at all.  I was not at all upset to be in my cab and en route to my friends who I knew would have a barrage of questions about my evening.  They did not disappoint.

So yeah, my first foray into internet dating was a bit of a bust.  I’m definitely not writing off all men online as a result of this encounter, but I think I’m going to work on being more selective about who I let take me out from this point on.  I won’t lie, there was a point last night when I wanted to kick myself for not making my 2011 goal to improve my upper body strength, but I’ll keep my resolution as it is and see where the rest of my year will lead.  Wish me luck (as I’m sure I’ll need it in spades).”

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One Response to “Guest post!”

  1. Mandy May 11, 2011 at 2:59 pm #

    Proud of youuuu 🙂

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